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NextPit’s Tales: The nerd who wished to wreck Christmas

For many who bear in mind, final 12 months I delivered a really private, and a bit unhappy, model of Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol in a barely dystopian cyberpunk world. I clearly invite you to learn this text, of which I’m very proud:

However this 12 months, I made a decision to take a much less intimate and extra joyful strategy. So it is a patchwork between a number of Christmas tales and cult films, from How the Grinch Stole Christmas to Mommy, I Missed the Aircraft, and extra obscure and fewer festive inspirations like Horizon Zero Down and even Metro: Exodus (infinite respect to the individuals who’ll discover the videogame refs!).

The story can also be impressed by an inside joke I’ve with my colleagues and common readers of the positioning, in keeping with which I am a fanatic of note-taking functions [translator’s note: he is], to the detriment of climate functions, and that I generally take this “ardour” (which actually is not a ardour) a bit of too far.

This text serves no different function than to entertain you and take your thoughts off the vacations. I hope you take pleasure in studying it and I look ahead to studying your suggestions within the feedback.

1. Mother, I Missed the Time Skip

– “Come on Dad, we had been supposed to go away two hours in the past. All my buddies have already warped for the vacations. We’re the one ones on the block nonetheless caught in 2221. In case you had let me go alone too…”

– “Uh, let’s relax, Caleb. And what do you imply by ‘alone’? And what do you imply by ‘warp’? Did your technology forgot how one can use the verb ‘leap’? Both manner, time warp isn’t a joke. Jeff Bezos III nearly acquired caught in 1917 together with his personal jumper not even two years in the past. I’d as effectively inform you I haven’t got Blue Origin’s price range, so we’ll take it simple.

– “We’re not gonna get caught in 1917, are we, Mother?”

– “No, Allyah, Dad’s speaking nonsense. We’ll France, to the Paris of the second Wonderful Thirty.”

– “The Thirty what?”

“You see? As an alternative of shopping for that silly machine that appears like the within of an outdated Tesla and takes up the entire lounge, we must always have paid for the child’s non-public classes, honey. in case your great-grandmother was right here, Caleb, she’d kick your ass, and consider me, you’d bear in mind in a short time in regards to the Union Cut up Conflict and the second Wonderful Thirty.”

– “If solely he might have landed in Russia in 1917, so might Jeff.”

– “Caleb! Do not you need to speak your nonsense even louder? I do not assume Alexa heard you!

– “Sorry, Mother…”

*Bam, bam* “Come on, you bastard. I downloaded the DLC and paid the household subscription. What else do you want? My NFT bank card quantity?”

*Dum dum dam, dudam* Samsung Galaxy Warp 10 activated, Hey Noam. Your time leap assistant is able to be configured.

– “Ah, lastly! Come on, let’s go. Hey bear in mind to put on your wristbands.”

– “Oh, hearken to him being all good, the 17-year-old warp professional. I am in cost, large man. Allyah, sweetie, please put your bracelet on. Altea darling, are you able to move me mine?”

– “It is already in your wrist. Hey, Caleb! Cease taking part in along with your bracelet, these devices are fragile.”

“Okay, everybody’s related. ER bridge calibrated. Prepared to leap. Right here we go. Come on, youngsters, Mommy, we’re holding fingers. In case you’re good, we’ll allow you to open presents tonight. Properly, tonight was over 150 years in the past, however okay.”

– “Critically dad, a dad joke earlier than a time leap?”

– “3, 2, 1 warp bridge engaged”…

* Spack* “Wow, what the hell?!”, Caleb exclaims, simply earlier than he feels his wrist throw him with searing ache.

– “Honey, I believe there’s one thing incorrect with Caleb.”

– “What?”

– “Cease the leap. Caleb has an issue together with his bra…”

– “F***ing shitty b…”


– “… braceleeeeeeeeeeeet! What? What? Dad, Mother? The place the hell am I?!” it takes Caleb some time to come back to his senses. He is nonetheless alive and extra importantly nonetheless contained in the Galaxy Warp. However the seats occupied by his household are empty.

*scrsh scrsh* Cal… *scrsh scrsh* …eb *scrsh scrsh* The onboard show is now a mush of pixels and interference.

– “Dad, Dad! I am wonderful, however I do not know the place I’m.” Or when, for that matter, Caleb instantly seen as he glanced on the damaged meter that was alleged to no less than present the present date on the opposite aspect of the glass gap he’d simply walked by means of. The remainder of the inside appears to be intact although. Simply keep put and look ahead to assist.

*”Rattling, did that actually knock?!”

E-book 2: The Nice Utility Schism

*Properly, there is no doubt about it, somebody or one thing is attempting to get into the Warp, or no less than out of it, Caleb concludes after the third spherical of muffled knocks on the car door. Both manner, they will pressure their manner in ultimately, so he’d higher face them.

*Tssss tchommm* The door depressurizes and opens from the underside up steadily letting the thing- ah no, the clearly (and fortunately) bipedal particular person get a glimpse. “Whew, a woman. Properly, a woman armed to the tooth and capturing me a chilly, sharp look, however it might have been worse,” Caleb sighed inwardly.

– “Uh, hello? I am Caleb. Are you aware what 12 months it’s?” he asks, by no means doubting for a second that the younger girl in entrance of him, who could also be from one other nation, and even one other planet, speaks the identical language as him.

– “What are you doing right here?! Did the notists ship you?” she blurts out earlier than stopping useless in her tracks and staring on the exploded bracelet Caleb nonetheless wears on his wrist.

– “The what?!”

*schwing* With a single, barely perceptible gesture, the younger warrior(?) slips the tip of an nearly proto-artistic-looking spear below his throat, however on the similar time far much less technologically primitive than it seems.

– “Select your subsequent phrases fastidiously. Brokers of each the Order and the Republic will not be welcome in tribal territory. The neutrality of my tribe is not going to defend you.”

– “I am not a Notist, I am not a part of any Order, and I do not even know what Republic you are speaking about. I landed right here by chance. I do not know what 12 months it’s!”, Caleb snapped, attempting to regain some semblance of manliness, even when feigned, after letting out a slight crack in his voice regardless of himself. “However, it’s important to admit, she’s taller and appears quite a bit greater than me, armed or not,” he admitted.

– “Hmm,” the younger girl murmured earlier than releasing the strain she was exerting on Caleb’s throat. Her pupils, obtrusive at him fiercely, recede a bit of, permitting a glimpse of the blue of her irises that her particularly reasonable pores and skin and ashen blonde hair solely deliver out extra.”

– “You say you landed right here. The place are you from, the Meteo Republic? The Empire of the Order of Notism? The outer rim or impartial territories? Then what is the 12 months? You imply the date? The final day of the Sol cycle, the anniversary of the Utility Schism. Do you actually need me to consider you do not know that? We’re speaking a couple of thousand-year conflict. You would possibly need to get up.”

– “Hey, what’s this? Do you may have a smartphone? She does, pointing on the Galaxy Warp’s edge display screen along with her spear. “A smartphone,” Caleb laughed, having solely learn these phrases in historical past class.

– “Type of. Do you may have these too, smartphones, again house? Might you’re taking me there? I do not even know your identify by the best way.”

– “The lands of the messenger tribe are off limits to you. And if what you say is true and you might be from one other time, or one other world, the Order, in addition to the Republic, should absolutely be searching for you.”

*vroooom* A low, muffled roar from the sky comes echoing proper into Caleb’s rib cage. “The Notists!” he hears the warrior yell as she grabs him and drags him at a run into the thicket below the pounding of what seems like a flying warship, the design of which clearly appears to be impressed by an insect, like a dragonfly.

– “You led them proper to us. Rattling, Elowen, you at all times should get your self into bother,” the younger girl stated aloud to herself. “Hey, I did not ask you for something. All I need to do is go house,” Caleb whispers within the least discreet manner doable.

“If what you say is true, I solely know one strategy to ship you again the place you got here from.”

E-book 3: The geek who tried to wreck Christmas

– “Wait, wait. So in your tribe, you actually consider {that a} thousand years in the past, your know-how took such a leap over humanity that actual beliefs and programs of thought developed round such absurd stuff as manufacturers and even apps? Observe apps, actually? Noticius, the primary of the saints, all of that’s actually not bullshit? And the meteoists in all of this, they’re the great guys within the story, a bit of bit eco-friendly who combat the non secular fanatics of the Order? Am I all proper?”

They’ve been touring on foot for a number of hours by means of the sacred fields of the cipher, but a land of pilgrimage for the messengers, his tribe and forbidden to outsiders. And Elowen suspects that Caleb solely half believes the refresher course she simply gave him on his world. Even when she nonetheless does not see what a greenie is meant to be.

– “There aren’t any dangerous guys or good guys. Simply fanatics on one aspect or the opposite and the remainder who attempt to reside in the midst of all of it,” she says, a bit of uninterested in her companion’s incessant questions.

– It is the identical story on daily basis on the finish of the cycle. Some blame the others for stealing all of the minerals from NextPit Mountain to stop them from making smartphones to observe their religion.”

– “Their religion…app? What in regards to the finish of cycle day, do you imply Christmas? Or possibly New 12 months’s?”

– “Name it what you’ll. One factor is for positive, somebody or one thing has robbed each particular person on this world of the one strategy to preserve their traditions alive. However that is all so outdated. Even the elders of my tribe have solely snippets of reminiscence from tales themselves reported solely not directly.”

“Okay Caleb, play it cool,” the younger man stated to himself, a bit of puzzled. “You’ve got already learn and seen a lot stranger issues than this and the cult-like aberrations round a tech product, it is frankly not science fiction anymore the place you come from.”

– “How about we go get these smartphones?”, Caleb lastly blurts out, lastly popping out of his inside dialogue.

– “What an important concept, possibly that is why I did not wait so that you can get it. Based on the meteoists, the smartphones and particularly the information to make them are saved within the temple of Noticius. The holiest place in Notism, protected by the Supreme Archpriest of the Order,” Anote O’inh the madman.

His obsession with Notism goes far past mere non secular fanaticism and has given him unnatural longevity. But when we are able to defeat him and dig up all of the information and know-how he is been hoarding for hundreds of years, we are able to repair your warp thingy and ship you again to the place you got here from.

Ultimate E-book: The Spirit of No… from the final day of the third cycle

“Wow… It is large and… *gulp* it is excessive,” Caleb exhales, arriving on the base of the mount with the Temple of Noticius sitting atop it, following intently behind Elowen who seems unnaturally on edge.

– “That is the NextPit mount. For the final day of the troi… for ‘Christmas’, the temple is nearly unguarded. The Order is concentrating most of its forces alongside the partitions of Notopia, to fend off Republican raids, and the 5 messenger tribes have joined forces with the Meteoist forces to supply a diversion to maintain the Notists occupied to present us a free hand.”

– “So, lets go for it? Are you positive about this one?”

– “Do not inform me you are scared Caleb,” Elowen chuckled, a bit of mockingly however with a understanding smile, and Caleb sighed, “Properly, that’ll educate me to make enjoyable of my father’s dad jokes. Proper? Nothing. Right here we go.”

The 2 start the lengthy climb in a single go, lastly ending up in entrance of the Porta Principalis, the principle entrance to the temple of Noticius. The door, made from stable gold and three meters excessive, is surrounded by monumental statues with a metallic sheen and a human however androgynous kind. Every holding a codex below the left arm and a disproportionately giant pen in the suitable hand, outstretched, like watchmen wanting to dam the best way to any intruder.

No password in a mystical language or incantations to whisper, the door opens by itself and closes as quickly as Elowen and Caleb arrive within the nice corridor.

“The Archpriest is unquestionably within the crypt of Amenotep, the primary Archpriest Supreme and founding father of the Order who dominated town of Notopia and laid the primary foundations of this Empire,” Elowen murmured however Caleb didn’t hear, too absorbed by the vastness and giganticness of the place.

They lastly arrive within the crypt. The partitions are lined with inscriptions. There are wall representations, bas-reliefs, or engravings resembling the 2 statues on the entrance to the temple. The room is swarming with worshippers, wearing pink, their pores and skin scarred with scriptures, a few of them nonetheless freshly engraved.

In the midst of the gang, a person overlooks the meeting, a big scepter in his proper hand and his codex below his left arm. He, too, wears an extended scarlet toga, as does his excessive headdress, which is encircled by an ivory-white headband whose purity is barely marred by his lengthy, ugly inexperienced beard.

– “Anote O’inh the idiot! The usurper! Your decadent reign ends immediately!” Caleb does not have time to show again to Elowen after listening to her yell as she throws herself ahead head first, not down however excessive, in order to not take her eyes off her goal. She turned one along with her spear and flew by means of the horde of worshippers, surprised by the outpouring of rage and energy.

The priest lastly seems up, too used to wanting down on his world, and may solely witness, passive and powerless, the spear that pierces him. A last notice, a pencil stroke to erase his existence from reminiscence. The mad priest’s blood marks Elowen’s pale pores and skin within the method of scriptures on the pores and skin of the trustworthy earlier than she erases them with a clear gesture as if to stop them from having time to set.

The usurper, together with his final breath, fingers his scepter to Caleb, who can not help however look ahead to Elowen, lastly coming to herself after the intoxication of her mad sprint, to name out, “Break it, so we are able to get it over with.”


– “So the ethical of the story is that know-how is dangerous and that utilizing the scepter to search out the smartphones, or no less than to search out the information to make them, would solely restart this vicious circle that has already lasted for over a thousand years?”

– “I do not know, Dad, however when she instructed me to interrupt it, I knew it was the one factor to do. It was instinctive.”

– “She’s too robust Elowen!!!”

– “That is proper Allyah, she’s fairly robust.”

– “Fairly ballsy to deliver your brother house anyway! Too dangerous you may’t actually see one another anymore. For when you discover a good woman. Properly, if not, with all of the fuss whilst you had been lacking, our forwards and backwards to the police, and the search, we have not unwrapped your Christmas current but. You in?”

– “Is that an actual query? However positively, come on give it to me.”

– “Your mother and I’ve been serious about this. Properly, really, she did the pondering and satisfied me. So right here we’re, we all know you’ve got grow to be fairly keen on these outdated smartphones and stuff.”

– “Aaaah cease the suspense” – Caleb snatches the field from father’s fingers and opens it no less than as quick as Elowen slew the Archpriest final Christmas. He lastly opens the field.

– “Uh…. So, what’s up? You cheerful? Huh?”

– “… …an iPhone 69… That is… actually nice. Thanks. [Laughs] -_-



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